Things I regret doing whilst drunk -R

• Giving my phone number to strangers.
  For some reason alcohol puts thoughts into my head like ‘What is privacy? Surely nothing important” and I get overly generous with my personal details. This leads to a lot of conversations like this:
  Since when did I want to go to the snow with a stranger? I dont even know how to sew? WHO DA FUQ IS THIS?
  See how his hope fades towards the end? Love is cruel. Drunken love is crueler.
• Putting on an English accent.
  This is something dear to myself and coblogger L. The first night we discovered our ‘drunken inner English’ things went quite gloriously. We had many drinks bought for us that night and everybody wanted to talk to us and attention is nice, innit? The trouble is, we tend to drink frequently at the same location, and now everytime we go there we’re FORCED to put on our English accents or otherwise admit to our admiring friends that we’ve been lying to them for the duration of our friendship, which might rock the boat a bit.
  P.S. If you ever meet a pair of cousins from Essex, home of Russell Brand, who are a little bit shifty on the details of their stay; Congratulations, you’ve found us.
• Eating
  Waking up the next morning and discovering the skeleton of a cow on the kitchen bench and realising that you slaughtered a beast and picked it’s bones clean of flesh. That didn’t really happen but we DID once find 4 empty Grand Angus Burger boxes, which is practically the same thing. I sometimes wonder if this is my subconscious telling me that it'd be really sick if we went on The Biggest Loser.
• Being in photographs.
  The exception to this is the pictures you take BEFORE you start drinking. But I really wish I would take those and then stop, because that way I could preserve the image of a girl with her makeup freshly applied, still white eyed and smiling pleasantly for the camera. The images that follow generally tell a different tale ... *omg is that a nipple?!!?! :(*
• Sending texts to the wrong person.
  This one time, my friend and I took a picture of ourselves doing that spitting thing from Big Daddy, I know that’s pretty gross, but really it was hilarious. Anyway I sent it to my friend but I was a bit sloshed and somehow ‘friend’ got mixed up with ‘mother’ under my contacts and I gather she took it to be something dirty because she wasn’t overly impressed the next time I saw her ... which was coincidentally the same night after one of my friends rang her to drive me home ...
• Dancing.
  I don’t know about you guys but I dance like Shakira, it’s like super dooper sexy and I have the magical power to do weird womanly things with my hips and also refer to my boobs every five minutes whilst I’m singing, but it’s totally okay because I’m SEXY and STILL TOTALLY RESPECTABLE. I’m seriously joking. When I’m drunk I dance like a trashy whore and my breasts are also not "small and humble," damn you Shakira you classy bitch.
• The opposite sex. I have really bad eyesight. This means a lot of things for me. I can never become a pilot; I will frequently pass the ball to the wrong team whilst playing soccer; Guaranteed to be considered rude whilst squinting at someone to decipher who they are.
  I don't wear my glasses when I go out. Couple my bad eyesight with alcohol and I have a 94% higher chance of winding up dating somebody with a monobrow and a bowl cut.

Despite all of this we mustn't dwell upon the negatives. There are many good things about being drunk, but perhaps I'll save those for another post?


-R