2 days in the life of 2 alcoholics -R

Approximately 99% of people who I've mentioned this blog to, assume that we are raging alcoholics (which is probably quite true), and everybody says that they look forward to Sunday/Monday posts describing the weekend.

Anyway for some ungodly reason I am awake at almost midnight, and I thought, why recover from my many injuries by sleeping when I could relive them through writing about them?!

Our plan for last night was as follows:

• Quiet night in
• Get lots of sleep
• Wake feeling refreshed and enthusiastic about life.

What actually happened:

• Drove to a party and got drunker than anticipated and then went clubbing
• Got little/no sleep
• Woke up hating life.

I thought I would list the best and most memorable aspects of the night and since our hangovers tend to be at least as amusing as our drunken shenanigans, I've included some from the following day for your enjoyment.

1. When we arrived at the party L realised that she had forgotten to bring/wear a bra.
2. After arriving at the party we went outside for a smoke by the fire. Suddenly (a wild snorlax appeared?! No. Wait welll actually...?) this really fat girl started excitedly telling L that she had pictures of them making out from the weekend before. CUTE GUYS.
3. I found out that the guy I pick up every time I go to this particular nightclub is considered a freak in most social circles.
4. So we probably might have put on our English accents again. I was outside and this girl started talking to me about my accent and I gave her our background story etc.
   Then suddenly her friend looks at me and goes "she puts on accents at the pubs so that boys will buy her drinks." Needless to say I was MORTIFIED. How the fuck did that bitch manage to blow my cover?!?!?! I was deciding whether I should make a joke out of it or just bail and run, when the girl I was talking to starting telling me about how many guys bought her drinks when she put on her accent. How fully awkward that I thought her friend was talking about me. How fully awkward we both do the same thing, is that pathetic?
5. Wore my hair in two really cute braids which L took advantage of by pushing me to the ground in the middle of the nightclub and humping my face and pulling my braids and screaming "HEADJOB HANDLES!"
6. That happened 3 times.
7. When L was doing her headjob handles rape shit and a group of people forcibly dragged her off me. Thanks guys, for putting a temporary end to the humiliation. At least until her next attempt.
8. We brought people back to the house we were staying at and I literally slept in the hallway and somebody stepped on me :(
9. I have a huge unidentified cut upon my knee and also every part of my body hurts and I dont know why, did I get in a punch-on last night? Was I possibly hit by a car? Did somebody drop a piano onto my body? 
10. Literally almost ending our friendship because L punched me in the vagina and so I teased her about failing her driving test as a metaphorical punch to the box.
11. Driving home the next day and somehow managing to pull up at an intersection directly beside the guy that L hooked up with the night before.
12. Playing soccer after about 2 hours sleep, CAN YOU IMAGINE?!
13. Me throwing up in the toilets at soccer at half time and finding out that there was another person in the room when I get asked, "Um ... are you okay?"
14. The guy L hooked up with came to soccer while we were sitting on the benches watching the next game and he had 3 kids with him and I gave him this face:
    
15. ....Until he finally reached us and we realised it wasn't him. Sorry stranger.
16. We befriended the stranger's kids and they were adorable and we were really good friends until the little girl said, "we're laughing at you," which felt like a stab in the back, what a little bitch.
17. Getting home and eating nachos on the couch and watching Parks & Rec at 3pm and both saying "Wow I'm not even tired, we only slept 2 hours last night but I feel fine!"
18. ...Waking up 3 hours later. Realising that we had been transformed into zombies at some point during our slumber :(

-R