If I was a boy -L

If I were a boy;
So let's face it, things always appear to be so much greener on the other side, and it got me thinking, "what would I do if one day I woke with XY chromosomes?"

1. I would totally hit the gym and inject steroids into my leg so I'd be buff & manly as possible.

2. I would sit in the sun for atleast 4 hours a day so I'd be black and my sexy muscles would be extremely noticeable.

3. Pick up some easy chick and have my filthy manly way with her, then drop her home and never talk to her again. Repeat x65,000 & not contract diseases!

4. I would wear a white T-shirt to a water park... Or just tip water all over a white shirt.
ACTUALLY no I would NEVER WEAR a shirt. EVERRRR!

5. I wouldn't wear heels out and I would rip up the dance floor with ease and also have no problems walking home.

6. I would only own three pair of shoes that will suffice for 10 years.

7. I would take advantage of only having to shave one place (my face)... Or would I shave down there, do they? Um.

8. Open all my own jars with ease and not have to ask my dad or smash it to get the salsa out for nachos!

9. I could change like 40 tyres in a row.
I would do a burn out and "paint" the road with my sick skids.

10. I would grow a sick mustache and use it to cheese-grate girls faces when I kiss them.

11. I would personally go out of my way to see what it's like to be kicked in the dick (what's all the fuss about!?)

12. I would get addicted to COD or counter strike to see what its like to sit there for 5 hours straight!

13. Beat off in a sock. 

14. Beat off in the shower.

15. Beat off in my bed.

16. Actually I would just beat off two, three, four (million) times a day!!!

17. I would beat off in a banana.

18. I would beat of in a grape fruit...

19. I would beat off in all types of fruit!!! Ergh...Okay I'll stop.

20. Get a blow job.

21. I would have a 'wet' dream. 50 Shades Of Grey suggests that this is possible for girls but I am a girl and thoroughly unaware of this biological possibiliy to date.
P.S. That book is like The Human Centipede -everybody tells you to read it and never mentions how much you will regret it. I'm a pretty darn sexual person and that book GROSSED ME OUT.

22. I would not never get pregnant whilst I bang as many bitches as possible.

23. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a orgasm.

24. Touch/Shift my junk in public without a thought as to how improper it may appear to others.

25. I would eat so much and not have to worry about it going to my fat ass.

26. I would grab a chicks ass and not have to worry about her being like "wtf?" Cos bitches love it.

I'm fucking kidding boys can you BACK OFF, my ass is not your stress ball okay?!

27. I would get heaps drunk at family gatherings and still be respected by the family :(

28. I would punch another man in the face and look and feel  really masculine.

29. I would rub my leg hairs.

30. I would ride bmx or motocross with no fear.

31. Have no feelings/emotions.

But the number one thing I would do if I were a boy would be... Refer to number 20.   Get a BJ so I could officially say "suck my dick" and mean it in a literal sense.

-L