Things I've learned from TV -R

Over the years spent sitting in front of the plastic box I've accumulated a number of observations about the tv/film world. Good things and bad things, you know? I think I like the real world but that said, if I could live in a tv world with Leslie Knope as my mother and George Clooney as my father then I think that would be a great thing too.

Things I've learned from TV:

• It's normal to crash your dad's car at least several times during your life and regardless of how expensive it is he will have it replaced within a week (and occasionally you will crash the replacement car too)
• You can be like thirty years old and STILL go to high school.
• You should really just marry everybody you meet on the off chance it works out, because chances are you'll have 34 divorces in your lifetime anyway
• If you have sex you WILL get pregnant and die.
• If you're pretty then you probably dont need to worry about being shot or run over or killed in any freak accident because nobody wants to see a pretty girl die, so basically you're invincible.
• If you're not pretty then watch the fuck out.
• It doesn't matter whether you're funny or not, because somewhere, somehow, somebody is laughing, and if they aren't then the directors will throw a laugh track in the background anyway.

• Any time you feel like singing/dancing it's like you suddenly share a brain with everybody around you. Seriously all your words and moves and probably your periods just sync up and its just like operating dual puppets or something. I could never be on TV for this reason because I would spend far too much time time breaking out random dance moves just to test people.
• You can't just ask someone why they're white!
• If a bomb has 10 seconds left before it defuses, don't sweat coz they will drag that out to at least 2 minutes.
• DONT GO UP TO THE ATTIC IF THERE'S A MURDERER IN THE HOUSE YOU DUMB BITCH.
• Humans are truly kindhearted. I am totally assured that if I dropped a notebook on a busy Melbourne street and loose pieces of paper went flying everywhere, a handsome stranger would immediately rush to my aid and then he would love me and we would go get coffee and then married probably.
• I definitely don't advise going to the hospital if you're deathly ill because that place is just FULL of scandal and doctors having sex with nurses in the broom cupboards like every five seconds right.
• Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.
• There is nothing remotely dangerous about punching/ falling through a glass window. You probably won't even cry and you will NEVER get glass in you (unless there's a hot chick to tend to the wound).

• I've realised it's important to do your makeup before you go to bed because apparently everybody wakes up with flawless skin and artistically ruffled hair and not like a bedraggled savage :(
• Any time there is any great impending danger your best bet is to just leave it and go watch some TV because the world never blows up okay.
• It's perfectly acceptable to hang up on someone midway through a phone call. Once you've gotten the information you need, don't say goodbye or anything, just hang up. It's way cooler and nobody ever seems to get mad about it.
• If a man and a woman hate each other they WILL eventually fall madly and passionately in love. This opens so many doors to so many creepers.
• Glenn Coco is popular as FUCK